Here they are, by popular demand, the countdown of the 10 worst things about online dating (as originally posted and commented on in great numbers on my Facebook page):
10. The men post blurry photos of themselves drunk with their buddies, not having showered in several days, wearing hip waders and holding up a fish they’ve caught. (You wouldn’t believe how many people weighed in on this one with comments!)
9. You can’t see your competition. For all you know, the other women are posting boudoir photos of themselves while you are posting photos of your layered, long underwear “sexiness” on the cross-country skiing trail. (Some of my male friends sending me reports of some of the more interesting female photos they’ve seen–scary!)
8. The euphemisms. Not since Facebook introduced the sexually-charged “poke,” has the world seen such ridiculous wordplay. There is the option of pressing a button and “sending a smile” to someone you find interesting. The thought is so innocuous that all it makes me want to do is “yawn.” (but there’s no button for that!)
7. It’s like the Hotel California – you can “check out any time you like but you can never leave.” That’s right, you can pack it in, take down your photos and try to leave without a trace, but your profile is never completely gone. I say, shadowy silhouettes of the online dating world, unite! Let’s take back our profiles from the evil matchmakers.
6. The “flex match” aka “lowering the bar.” Almost from the first credit card payment, the pressure is on to reconsider what you want in a mate. Just to further test your resolve, there are “flex matches” begging to be considered. Gosh, send me another guy from The Pas, Manitoba who doesn’t drink and is born again. I’m sure things will work out great.
5. The ads. Ugh. Here’s hoping these online dating ads they run on television don’t catch on for other places. Imagine if bars ran ads boasting about the number of couples who hooked-up every night at their bar? Shudder. Bad on so many levels.
4. The depth or lack thereof. One profile I read actually stated they were looking for someone “whose face lights up when I come home from work at the end of the day.” Honestly, there are some adorable puppies at the SPCA just waiting to be adopted. Jeesh.
3. That completion bar. You may have heard about this phenomenon of “gamification.” Well, it has permeated online dating as well. When you haven’t completed your profile, there is a bar that constantly reminds that you are only 70 % done. It’s shocking how badly you want to do whatever it takes to achieve that 100 %, including divulging every little detail about yourself.
2. The dating advice. Here are some of the ACTUAL articles: “What’s your kissing style?”, “Have more sex by doing more housework”, “First date: To coupon or not to coupon”, “Pickup lines that actually work” and my favourite, “Unleash your feminine power to win his love.” I think I know where Cosmo writers go to die.
1. First, let me say that I had no idea so many of you have met your perfect match through online dating! After many messages in support of the practice, I’m going to humbly suggest the absolute worst thing about online dating (with apologies–you know who you are) is the not knowing who you are corresponding with. Is the person even real? Are they a stalker looking for their next victim? Is it your ex-husband using a pseudonym? The horror.