There are some things in life that are just not worth it. The trouble, I mean.

Take my former home office, for example. No – I really am serious. Take it.  In fact, someone already did and I’m so relieved.

Back when I was married (seems so long ago!) my ex-husband and I lived well…beyond our means. We had a large home and both had our own office space. I can’t speak for him, but I know mine was a sanctuary and at one point the hub of a thriving consulting practice.

Intersecting spheres

Every day, we each retired to our own offices and our unique spheres of interest. I found I could connect with a whole world out there via my computer screen. It was a poor substitute for connecting with my husband, but we do what we can to find some semblance of happiness.

In summary, the Venn diagram of our relationship was a big fail. Our two spheres simply did not intersect.

Cramming things in

Fast forward past a lot of heartache and pain to post-divorce. I’ve moved into own place (much smaller but still a full house) and my old office is transposed on a new life and location. Or more accurately, it’s crammed into a smaller space.

Last photo before I let it go…the Canadarm thing about to be dismantled.

I had to let go of a lot of things, but I simply could not let go of my sleek, smooth Ikea desk. It was lovely, large and took up almost the whole room. Its matching credenza, cabinet, drawers and computer stand were simply so…so…matching. My printer (as heavy as a small jumbo jet) anchored down the room quite nicely.

Last office standing

My office felt secure and safe. The one thing left standing after a marital earthquake. Sigh.

Then, reality hit. As we say in corporate Calgary, my life was not “sustainable.” Time for a more affordable place.

Fast forward again to my new condo in downtown Calgary. Half the space at half the cost. This is more like it.

So, why is it that I’ve been in my new place for almost two weeks and my “office” is still not up and running? I’ve been like a zombie the last few days wondering why I feel “at odds.” Could it be that I’m feeling a bit lost because:

  1. I gave my sleek desk and all the furniture away to a lovely person. I am using a TV stand as a desk.
  2. I could not lift that behemoth of a printer myself so I had a junk removal company take it away in a moment of fury. I have no printer at all.
  3. I kept only a tiny bit of my mountain of office supplies and gave the rest away to another lovely person.
  4. The two computer monitors I have were fastened to my desk with a mechanism that looks as complex as the Canadarm (thanks to my handyman ex again for being so ingenious). I cannot figure out how to put it back together.
  5. I have absolutely NO space for an office.

Carry on

This is an absolute shit show. I have dismantled my last remaining safety net and jumped both feet into another dimension. It’s smaller, more real and everything here has to be less heavy because I’m carrying this act by myself.

I have not felt this way since I was in late stage labour with my first child. You know that “turned down the drugs and regretting it” feeling when you look around at the doctor, the nurses, your spouse and realize none of them can really make this any easier for you. You’re on your own.

Go figure out that drill

Speaking of useful, five years ago, my ex gave me his electric drill because he thought I might need it to do — home repairs?  I don’t really know how to use it although I am perfectly capable of reading the instructions and could probably figure it out and maybe wield it somewhat effectively.

I still have it and I pulled it out last night in my quest to reassemble the Canadarm. That drill was dead. Or at least the battery was.

I realized at that moment that the tectonic plates of my life have once again shifted and I just did not recognize it. I needed a simpler way of setting up my monitor. I could try and put it back together the way my ex had done it. But that would involve drilling a large hole in my table (who knows how well that would turn out) and would require getting extra help just lifting the contraption into place. Is there a mini-crane rental for small space hoisting?

Do I really need this? The truth is, I need a lot less. And it needs to not be so damn heavy. There has to be a better way.

My office is really just a small corner of my bedroom, actually. Truth be told.

I’m seriously letting go of some stuff over here. And it feels good.

Does anyone want a Canadarm monitor stand?




One thought on “My home office – or what’s left of it

  1. I really understand what you mean by downsizing and letting go! We’ve been doing that for several years now – not because we moved into a smaller house, but because we had too much stuff.
    This ‘letting go’ process also made me look at spaces differently. My office space is now a small desk in the living room – one of my favourite rooms in the whole house!

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